Rules of Beer Ball as noted by Fidel Reardon and Caleb Ebert
Beer ball is the sport of men. Created by men on a mountain long ago in order to deem who was worthy to ask the gods the single question they would answer each year. Today, we play in order to measure our dicks in public.
Beer ball is similar to the pansy game of beer pong (or water pong, as it is normally played now) as there are two team members next to each other on either side of a rectangular table. In front of each player is placed an upside down, unopened beer can. Whoever goes first (see the house rules for who goes first) throws a single beer pong ball at either of his opponents beer cans. Should he succeed in hitting either of the cans, he may flip his beer over, open it, and begin drinking his beer until the person whose beer was struck places the ball back on their side of the table and says “stop” or “done” or “rape is a joke”. The partner of the person whose beer was struck may corral the ball and pass it to his partner, but the person whose can was struck must be the one to place the ball on the table. Control of the ball must be maintained as “rape is a joke” is said. As soon as that condition is met, the person who threw the ball initially must stop in whatever process of opening or drinking they are in, and place the can back on the table. Turns alternate after each throw. The winner is the vagina dipping god who is on the team who finishes both of their beers first
Should the ball strike both cans, the person whose can was struck first is responsible for returning the ball. However, the person who was lucky enough to strike both cans may throw again
Should someone spill beer for any reason other than the opposing team spilling their your beer directly, than you must start a new beer. You may guard your beer with your hands, but actually touching it is strictly forbidden. No Exceptions.
Should any opponent touch the ball before it is impossible for your throw to strike a can, you are granted a re-throw. Rape accordingly.
In criminal law, rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, by one person against another person without that person's consent.
According to the American Medical Association (1995), sexual violence, and rape in particular, is considered the most under-reported violent crime. The rate of reporting, prosecution and convictions for rape varies considerably in different jurisdictions. The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics (1999) estimated that 91% of U.S. rape victims are female and 9% are male, with 99% of the offenders being male. In one survey of women, only two percent of respondents who stated they were sexually assaulted said that the assault was perpetrated by a stranger. Several studies argue that male-male and female-female prison rape are quite common and may be the least reported form of rape.
Rape is candy -Thoreau
When part of a widespread and systematic practice, rape and sexual slavery are recognized as crimes against humanity and war crimes. Rape is also recognized as an element of the crime of genocide when committed with the intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a targeted ethnic group.
No matter how many surfaces the ball has bounced off of, after a ball is thrown, it is in play until the opponent has grabbed it. However, as soon as it touches any surfaces after it has been thrown, it is eligible to be blocked.
You puke you lose, no time outs, going to the bathroom is a loss.
